Competition
by Dajypop
Summary: Reno becomes jealous of a new arrival. RudeReno, AU
1. The Beginning

**Title: Competition**

**Author: Lacey**

**Rating: T**

**Chapter: 1/?**

**Summary: Reno is jealous of a new-arrival.**

**Warnings: Adoption, cursing, bad role-modeling, AU (The Turks/Shinra is only a research company sort of thing), Reno POV**

**AN: Alright, this came to me from seeing a mattress commercial…and I decided that this needed to be written. :3**

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**Age Two: The Beginning**

I can't believe that Rude talked me into this. I know I will be terrible with this new job, and being a Turk means that this will be even more challenging. I have a habit of doing things that are considered 'bad'; I have a sex addiction problem, I like to act out on things, I never act my age and I often expressed explosive bouts of anger.

Rude…Rude is a different story entirely. He is patient, calm, compassionate…he has to be if he is living with and dating me. But somehow, he had come to the conclusion that it was time for us to step our relationship up and get something that would be life-changing. While I had thought that that thing would be something small, like a puppy, I soon found out just how wrong I was when the 'adoption center' wasn't the Pound.

"Ru…are you sure about this?" While I'm normally fairly nonchalant, I find myself questioning him nervously and chewing at my lip. "I mean…we're gonna get a kid?"

"I already picked one out and we're just picking him up, today. He's a two year old." Rude replies, "It'll be fine, Reno." He smiles, kissing my brow, trying to soothe me.

"I'm not so sure 'bout that, pardner…" I drawl, licking my lips carefully. "I'm worried 'bout this…child shit. I mean, do I look like some Goddamn parent to you?"

"You will if you watch your language."

"Taking away my language is like taking away your sunglasses. I won't be recognized as me without that."

"It's more like your famous sex drive leaving that would make you unrecognizable." He leveled his green eyes at me.

"Hey…wait a sec…how are we gonna keep our sex life alive if like…we get a kid. Can't we start with some kind of…animal or something, instead?"

"Ren…it'll be fine. Just trust me on this, okay?" Rude smiles, taking my hand and leading me into the building. We were taken to the room with our child in it, waiting for us, and I lock my knees outside the door.

"Rude, does he realize that we're gay men?"

"I'm not sure…but he's two, he's bound to be open to things. Ren, stop worrying and come meet our son." He smiles, leading the way in. Rude had been to see the child before, and they had already formed something of a bond. The child teeters over to him and held his arms up to be picked up, and I cringe a little as he was lifted. I'd seen those hands be used for pure evil, for brutality…it didn't seem right that they were being so gentle with someone else. Well, someone other than me. I felt something burning in my gut, and I set my jaw so I'd refrain from saying anything.

"Reno, come see him." He held the child out for me, and I look at the thing held out for a little strangely. I don't really like that look he's giving me. In fact, I'm kind of worried by it. I take the drooly creature slowly, making a face as it's sticky and smelly body is passed into my arms and placed up against my chest. "You have to hold him close."

"How about you do the holding…?" I say this as the thing starts crying. "He doesn't like me."

"You're not holding him right." Rude situates my arms around until I'm holding him just right, and the crying stops as soon as I find my hand full of dirty diaper. I nearly drop the thing and my lover takes him, sighing. "Someone needs a change." I sigh, shaking my own head.

"I need to go wash my hands." I offer, heading off to find somewhere while he makes kissy face at my new enemy. I'm used to having him all to myself; this whole sharing thing is ridiculous. I don't know why he thinks we need some stupid brat around to make our relationship deeper. Personally, it's times like these that I wish Rude was stupid, because then he probably wouldn't realize that men can't get pregnant and we'd try for days on end to get me pregnant. That in itself would be amazing, I think.

When I return to the front, I see Rude there with a freshly diapered brat and some lady helping him with paperwork. It all seems like a blur before I find myself back in the car and sitting on the other side of a baby seat, which has firmly been planted between _my_ lover and _I_. I have a feeling this is going to be happening a lot.

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**AN: Alright, short chapter, but I liked it so far. Reno doesn't like this little addition to the family.**


	2. Cock Block

**Chapter: 2/?**

**Words: 629**

**Warnings: Reno POV, Teaser, Cursing**

**AN: Here's the second chapter of this…I feel the need to say that this has nothing to do with Sex Kitten. Maybe that's just me, though. Anyway, I'm being brutalized so that I write this, so that my stupid brother can get on the stupid computer and stay up all night and be stupid with his stupid friend on stupid Maple Story. If he stays on the phone when I try to sleep, I'll kill him and hide all the phones or something. ;;**

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**Age Two: Cock Block**

Rude's hot lips surged over my pale body, making me writhe and push more into his burning touches, driving me crazy. My brain is blank, my eyes are wide but unseeing, hands shaking like vibrators as I try to touch over him, playing with his nipples to the best of my ability. I know he appreciates it, though, because he's moaning as well. The room is hot and sticky, our bodies are sweat-slicked and slipping against one another, his beefy cock buried deep within me…when I hear the worst thing that I could possibly hear at this point in time.

That little thing in the room next to ours is crying. The atmosphere changes, Rude stops completely, his body going rigid as he waits a moment to see if the crying will subside. When he realizes that it doesn't seem about to, he pulls back from me and gives me an apologetic look with those green eyes. He leaves me for the brat and I stare at the ceiling as long as I can before getting up.

"Ru~uuuude! Let him cry, he's probably just doing it because he thinks I'm hurting you or something. He doesn't know the difference between pleasured and pained moans, I bet. He'll learn soon enough." I offer, trying to sway my hips and look all sexy. I can't believe how sexy he _still _looks, even when holding a baby. Maybe it's the fact that he's still hard as he was when he left me, and somehow, I don't find it creepy. I find it angering, however, because it's almost as if that little…worm-baby can get him hard like I can, and I hate that thought.

"Reno, I can't do that. As the responsible parent, I can't just leave him crying in his crib while I please you. We have a child, now, that means we need to take care of him as a team."

"That…involves me being loving towards something that isn't you, though…" I reply with a raised brow.

"…he isn't a _thing_, Ren. He's our son and you can't—"

"He didn't come out of me because of you, he isn't mine."

"Reno!"

"What? Just because I don't want to play 'mommy' doesn't mean shit to you! You get your son and that's good enough, you don't even care about _my_ fucking happiness!" He's staring at me like I'm some kind of psycho, and I storm from the room. "If you love him so damn much, then why don't you sleep with him!" I cry back, not really meaning it as a question. I'm serious, too.

When I head back to the room, I dig out one of my favorite toys and lube it up, making absolutely sure that I sound loud and sexy and make Rude want some. When the kid finally stops crying, I hear him jiggling the handle and trying to get back into our room; I locked the door just to spite him. He keeps trying for a while, and soon I find myself asleep on the floor, just laughing unabashedly at him. I don't even care if I'm still full of my toy, this is too funny.

However, when I awake, I find myself toyless, snuggled close in Rude's arms, the door wide open with no handle on it.

"Dammit, Rude." I mumble softly, but he only rubs at my hips, keeping his eyes shut.

"Mm…want to continue, babe?" He purrs, though he doesn't even seem awake.

"…" It's tempting, but…I start to say 'no', but I find my rapidly hardening erection in those talented hands and my eyes roll back. A shudder rips down my back and this has to be the best make-up sex I've ever had.

Reno: 1 Baby: 2

Hey, I'm catching up!

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**AN: There, done with chapter two. Both chapters, so far, have been unbeta'd. I'm pretty tired, now, so I think I'll go to bed after a little bit. I might rp with Emma a little longer.**


	3. Pure Evil

**Chapter: 3/24**

**Words: 1463**

**Warnings: Cursing, baby bashing, Reno POV, "evil" plot**

**AN: Alright, guys, here's chapter three. This story is meant to be humorous, so that is why I'm torturing my poor Reno. He's my favorite FFVII character, so it's okay that I mess him up. :3 And Rudie is totally in Parenting Mode. XD Anyway, here we go!**

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**Age Two: Pure Evil**

Tonight is going to be great. Rude finally decided it was okay to get a babysitter so he could take me out clubbing, and I was so happy. Besides, I knew we could trust Vincent with The Suguru-Monster. Yeah, I've started calling it that. Oh, excuse me. He. He's a boy, apparently. I really don't know; I don't change his shit-rags. Rude does most of the raising of him; I just bounce him on my knee on occasion when I'm drinking my night cap and Rude forces me to hold the stinkball.

Currently, I'm adding the goop from a few broken glowsticks to my hair and shirt, which is white with all sorts of neon colors. I've got leather shorts on with a bright red tutu on over them; my shirt hardly reaches the beginning of the slight definition of my abs. I've also got on these fishnet knee-highs and a pair of socks hidden by my white and rainbow high-topped Converse. I've spent hours getting myself ready for this, Vincent has already arrived, and even Rude is getting ready for Rave Night at the local club.

At this point, Rude comes in and smiles at me, kissing the top of my head and closing his eyes. He makes a face when he gets Glowstick juice in his mouth, and I laugh softly.

"Gotta be more careful, pardner." I drawl sexily, winking up at him. He smiles a little more and wipes his mouth.

"Are you ready?" I'm about to respond when Vincent comes in, looking worried.

"Rude, I think something's wrong with Su." He offers in that soft voice of his. Rude is instantly in the kid's room, and I cross my arms.

"Vin, why'd you have to do this?" I question, and the red-eyed male just looks at me.

"Do what? I thought Rude would like to know."

"He would, sure, but you've just ruined my night. If something's _really_ wrong with Junior, then that means I'm trapped in the house after spending the past three hours getting ready." He sighs and rubs a hand through his hair before looking back up.

"Then I will take you out."

"You will?" I can't help but devise an evil plot in my head at the thought of this. "You realize I'll be dancing on you?" I swear I see the barest hint of a smile on his lips.

"Alright."

I smile a little on the outside, but inside I'm grinning like a maniac. Vincent here just gave me the most brilliant idea I think I've ever had, ever! If Rude's making me jealous with that stupid brat, then why shouldn't I make him jealous by taking the babysitter out partying? I've always been a guy for 'eye for an eye'. Licking my lips, I head into the bedroom to see what's wrong.

"Rudie? What's up?" I sound sad; for what, though, he'll never know.

"He's got a fever, Ren." I hear him reply sadly, sighing. "I'm sorry, babe, but I can't go out tonight and leave him here like this. He needs his daddies."

"But...I just spent three hours getting ready to go out..." At this point, Vincent appeared behind me.

"I can take him out, Rude. You know he's like a dog; he needs to be run around at least a little bit, and he's been trapped in the house and work for three days..." Rude seems to think about this for a moment, and he sighs.

"Fine, Vince. Thanks." He offers, turning back to his precious son. I move over and give him a kiss on his bald head, kissing at the baby's hand before taking off with my new toy. I've heard of sleeping with the pool boy, but never the babysitter. That doesn't mean I'll really be sleeping with him, though. Just doing enough that Rude can think that we're cheating. Before I'm done with him, he'll have his heart ripped out, chewed up, spit out, eaten again and ejaculated all over the wall. And then he'll come crawling back when I open my arms, because he's told me he doesn't think he can survive without me.

I'll just have to prove that I'm above this and that if he is going to treat me like I'm second in his life, then I will treat him the same damn way. It's only fair, right?

I lead Vincent out of the room, making sure Rude can see him put his arm around my shoulders and we head outside for the rather short walk down to Junon Bar. It's a pretty little gay club with a Rave Night, and Rude almost always takes me. I'm sure he'll realize, once we leave, that I'm probably just going to do what I always do to him with Vincent. Every time we come home, we both have dirty pants. We'll grind and rock and practically have sex with our clothes on until we both come as much as possible without totally losing our footing.

We make it to the club and I take Vincent out on the floor, the both of us already moving to the beat. He crouches enough that we can grind on each other (because he's Tall-Zilla), and my ass is suddenly very firmly implanted on his crotch. I feel something already there and smirk to myself as we dance and grind; I love it. This means I have a very complete plan.

About half-way through our dance, though, I get a call from Rude.

"'Lo?" I ask quickly, shuddering at a particularly nice move on his part.

"Ren? Where are you? It's nearly 11:30." He sounds worried.

"Oh...it is? We're still at the club."

"Reno, you've been there since 8:30. It's time to come home." So he's my mother now? How fitting.

"Yes, Mom." I reply and snap my phone shut, turning to Vincent. "Do you need me to walk you home?"

"No, I'll be alright. I'll go ahead and walk you...if you can walk." I might have ingested twelve too many tequila shots. By now, Vincent had taken to holding me up by my rear and just grinding us together to the beat. My shorts had dripped cum all over the floor where we stood, and I knew he was tired from coming so much, too. I'm totally sure my thighs are sticky and drenched, but I love it.

He begins to carry me out of the club, holding me bridal style and taking me home. When we get to the door, he unlocks it using my key, and carries me inside. He takes me into the bathroom and starts up a bath for me, leaving me on the toilet. He helps me undress and soon he's gone; I'm relaxing in warm water, soaking away the stress of the day.

Rude comes in after I'm all settled and tilts his head a little bit.

"Reno..." He sounds a little upset, I can tell.

"Yeah, babe?" I question, tilting my head a little in response. "Wanna join me? Tubs big enough for the two of us and I have hardly seen you all day." But he's still holding the brat.

"What's that on your neck?" He questions, ignoring mine.

"Huh?" I rub my hand over my neck and feel two puncture wounds, and smile a little. "I guess he bit me harder than I expected. I dunno, I had...so much tequila. I'm like...floating right now. You should come in here and fuck me." I smile, running a hand over my thighs, trying to excite him.

"Why did you let him bite you?"

"I dunno...said he was hungry." I reply, "He didn't take a lot of blood, just enough to get buzzed." I add nonchalantly, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. He still doesn't look happy, though.

"Reno...don't let him do that again." He tells me, firm voice shaking slightly.

"Okay, okay. I didn't know it would bother you so much." I sigh, "Now, will you come in here? I'm horny as Hell and the kid's passed out." Needless to say, he put Sugu to bed and came back to me, fucking my lights out and growling possessively the whole time, biting up the other side of my neck and leaving me completely spent in the bath tub, covered in new bite marks and welts and scratches, and I have to say...I love it when he gets possessive. The rest of the night was fairly quiet and we both went to bed naked after rinsing off. We'd shower in the morning.

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**AN: Alright, there's the third chapter. Oh noes, Vinny's involved, again! Actually, that was completely by accident. My muse just tossed in the idea of Reno being all evil and using Vince at the last second. He was only going to be the babysitter, true story.**


	4. Never Home

**Chapter: 4/24**

**Words: **

**Warnings: Reno POV, Cursing, Smex**

**AN: Alright, guys. This is chapter four of twenty-four. I know that the chapters aren't very long or anything, but at least there will be a lot of them? You may start to notice a trend with these, too. :3 There is going to be a little bit of strangeness in the pairing on this one. I don't want to give it away, though, so you'll just have to wait and read to find out! Alright, here we go!**

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**Age Two: Never Home**

So, I'm starting to feel like I'm being booted out of my house by Rude's kid. Because Rude is always home taking care of him, I've been trapped at **work constantly**, and it's starting to wear on me. It's been three days since I've gotten any, and I'm starting to feel desperate. I'm just wondering how Rude is getting away with not having me all over him. I don't even think I've seen him awake all week.

I have a feeling that the bosses realize that they have something of a slacker working for them at this point, and they want to know what happened to Rude. I find myself sitting in Rufus' office, wriggling a little. I had begun doing something that had become totally necessary during my new, longer hours; they caught me masturbating at my desk. I'm so hard that I'm cursing the tightness of my pants. I'm gasping a little when Rufus wheels himself closer to me, and he sits directly in front of me, our knees touching.

"Reno...I have a couple questions for you." The blond in front of me tells me calmly, folding his hands in his lap. "First, where has Rude been?"

"We adopted...okay, _he_ adopted some brat and has been too busy takin' care of 'im. He got the flu or some shit." I reply, maybe more angrily than I had meant. Rufus simply raises a delicate blond brow.

"Secondly, why have you been working his hours, as well, if you do not like this alleged 'brat'?"

"Rude's makin' me. He says we still gotta pay for the hospital shit so I gotta be at work, and work for him, too."

"Thirdly, then. Why has even _less_ work been getting done?" I look up from my boner and point down at it, before moving my shirt out of the way and showing it off.

"Rude hasn't fucked me in days. I haven't even seen him awake for what feels like a week...I'm so horny and backed up that I can't focus...I've had to change my pants seven or eight times a day for the past few days..." For some reason, it isn't weird talking to my boss about this. Probably because I'm very open with personal business. "I feel like I can't focus without his cock or...just _something_ inside me every so often. I've been craving something but I just can't seem to get any no matter what I do."

"Well, then. Come here."

"...what?" I question, head tilting.

"Come here."

"I'm already close as I can get to you..."

"In the chair, with me." He replies, looking at me just as stoically as I've seen Rude be about death. I stare at him, incredulous, for a few moments before he sighs, "I can't very well get out of it without your help. Would you rather me on top?" It would be difficult, considering my mind just now registering that he's paralyzed from the waist down.

"I don't think the wheelchair will fit me, too." I tell him, licking my lips. This does sound fun, though. "But...aren't you paralyzed?"

"I can still function down there, you know. Hojo helped with that." I nod a little and look around. "How about the floor? I can lean against the wall and you can ride." It's at this point that I realize that he is honestly offering me sex to get me to do my work.

"What'll Tseng say?"

"If we are lucky, he will not know." I nod again and wheel him over to the wall, helping him out of the chair and sitting him down against the wall. He began to work his pants down and I was pleased to see I had something fun to work with. He may have had a skinny cock, not as thick as Rude's, but it was still pretty long and that sat well with me. While I watch him, I kick off my shoes and remove my pants, because I still go commando, and look around for something to use as lube.

I grab lotion off the desk and look down, noting that Rufus isn't quite hard yet. I smile a little and turn my back to face him, squirting a good deal of lotion onto my fingers before bending over and spreading my legs. I'm completely spread before him, now, completely vulnerable, and I work my coated fingers around my puckered entrance slowly, teasing myself and moaning softly.

I think it's really working for him, because the more I touch myself, the more he starts to harden and work up. My fingers, two, slide in at once; Rude has me nearly permanently stretched, and I know just how much I can take at first before stretching. I make sure he can see everything as I continue to stretch myself happily, moaning for him. Once I get a third in for a few seconds, he gestures me back to him, and I move over, slicking up my hands so they can work on his cock. Once he's all slicked and ready to go, I slide down and a soft moan leaves me. He's grunting a little beneath me; I doubt he gets to put it in very often.

"A-ahh...Ruuu~" It's almost like having sex with Rude, if I think about it and close my eyes. Sure, there's thickness missing, but hey; beggars can't be choosers, right? I start up a nice, demanding pace...and suddenly I'm forced to stop by harsh hands on my shoulders. Rufus is looking up with a mixture of worry and defiance on his face. The next thing I hear chills me to the bone and only makes me harder.

"Reno, what do you think you're doing?" His voice is like ice.

"Mm...being fucked by the boss. What about you?" I reply with my usual cockiness.

"About to beat you within an inch of your life."

"Tseng." Rufus speaks up softly, sighing a little as he moves his hair from his face. "You realize Reno has been working for Rude as well, correct? Well...he is getting even _less_ done. He claims it is because Rude is denying him sex...and if he continues to relieve himself at his desk, we will never get his work from him. Therefore I decided to take this into my own hands." My face is now directly in Tseng's crotch and I breathe on it huskily.

"You're welcome to join us..." I offer, pushing my face closer. He clears his throat and when he speaks, his voice is kind of shaky.

"I am not sure--"

"Tseng. This is an _order_. You will help me. You know I can't do this well on my own." The dark-haired male sighs and lifts me up, setting me on the floor. He lifts Rufus up and removes his pants completely, sitting him back in the wheelchair before positioning my face as close to his lover's cock as he dares. He then drops his own pants and slips up behind me, lubing himself with spit. I have a feeling this is going to be hard and rough and that only excites me more as I accept Rufus' dick past my lips. A sudden moan leaves me as Tseng pushes inside me, and my head starts to fall back but the hands on the back of it prevent it from going too far.

As my lights are brutally fucked out by the raw being behind me, I'm sucking my boss like it's the last thing tethering me to life. My fingers grip his hips so tight I'm sure I'm leaving bruises, and the way I'm crying out against his sensitive head has him coming immediately after one particularly good suck. This has me screaming and coming, as well, and I'm sure with my body tightening and spasming around Tseng, that's what has him filling me with hot cum, as well. I'm forced to pull my head up and rest it against the blond's hip, panting hotly against his heated skin.

All three of us are sweaty and smell of **sex, Tseng** soon pulls out of me with a satisfying moan. After we regain our composure, we dress.

"Was that enough for tonight, Reno?" Rufus questions me seriously, looking up at me.

"Yeah..." I nod, still a little breathless. It's been a long time since I've had a good threesome. "I think I can work for the rest of the night and be good."

"Alright, now, go get to work." I headed back to my desk and didn't feel the need to touch myself for a while. By the time I arrived back home, I was ready for **more and** pounced on Rude. While he was a little sleepy and resistant at first, I somehow conned him into giving me some good sex like he used to. I miss this Rude.

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**AN: Alright, I think that's plenty long enough. :3 I liked it, and I changed the rating just for this chapter, and so I can write any other sex scenes I want. :3 Buahahahaha!**


	5. Happy Birthday

**Chapter: 5/24**

**Words: 1816**

**Warnings: Reno POV, Fluff**

**AN: Alright, guys. This should be kind of a cute chapter. :3 I'm going to enjoy writing it, especially after what happened last chapter. No smex for this one since I'm writing this at school and don't plan on touching the fifth one again unless it needs completed at home. :3 Also, I would like you to know about my new beta, HotDemonofAButler. She is amazing and is also helping me develop plot bunnies for this story. :3 Go love on her!**

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**Age Three: Happy Birthday**

I swear he did this to me on purpose. Not only do I feel like the "only child" who gets a little sibling, but now I feel like a fuckin' _twin_. He just _had_ to pick the baby that shares _my birthday._ We're having a "double party", which involves him lavishing love all over the little grubber, while I sit back and drown myself in a bottle of vodka in Vincent's lap. I don't even think he's noticed where I have taken up residence. I could move out right now**,** at this very second, and he wouldn't once notice that I was gone until he couldn't pay the rent anymore.

He's cooing over the baby and his first real birthday cake, a small pink thing with a strawberry on top, and completely ignoring the fact that he is supposed to be baking my cake or making me something alcoholic. I feel totally shut out, getting up I leave the whole room of people and head into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I spend the rest of the brat's party soaking in the bath tub with several bottles of alcohol for company. I'm most of the way under water when I hear a knock at the door and a worried voice.

"Ren?" I hear him question, but I make no movement to answer him. I hear another voice beside him.

"Reno? Are you alright?" That was Vincent. I still don't feel the need to answer, though, and simply let myself sink lower so that I have to hold my breath. If they could only know what I'm feeling, then they would understand.

"Reno!" Rude calls, pounding on the door to try and jolt me awake.

"Fuck off." I reply, sitting up a little and hunching forward slightly. I burp loudly and curl up on myself, my wet skin prickling with gooseflesh as it hits the chilly air around it.

"Ren, what's wrong? Are you alright? Did you drink too much? Open the door…" He's trying to reason with me, I know it. He's trying to show that he still cares, but I don't believe it. I've been in here long enough that I've had to let out water and reheat it six or seven times. He could have come when he first noticed I was gone, but did he? No. He waited until the party was over and his precious someone was asleep.

"I'm not coming out." I reply stubbornly. If people think I'm stubborn when I'm sober, I'm definitely more like a donkey when I'm drunk. I feel something pricking my eyes and slide down my cheeks. I quickly wet my face and the tears leave. If I cry, which is rare, then it's usually only a couple tears from each cheek and I'm done. If it gets more than that, then there's something to worry about.

"Reno, why not?" There's Vincent again. He sounds worried, too, and I sigh, not wanting to deal with anyone right now.

"I'm taking a shower." I reply, the audible sound of the water draining from the tub apparent as I slosh into a standing position, leaning heavily against the door.

"Reno, let me in." Rude replies, this time his voice is sharp and demanding.

"Make me."

"Do I have to take the handles off every door in the house, Ren?"

"…yes. And then I'll just lock myself in the car. You wouldn't care, anyway!"

"What?" He sounds incredulous.

"I'm not your precious baby, so you couldn't care less about me." I point out, "Do you know the last time we spent the night to ourselves? Every time we try, your precious son cries and you're gone. We haven't gotten to finish in over six weeks." And I've been cheating on him periodically with Rufus and Tseng at the office. Tseng will come to me every day and ask me if I've had sex that wasn't from himself or Rufus in the last twenty-four hours. If I answer 'no', he may take me in my office, or I'll go visit Rufus, or else we'll both take a trip up there to see the boss. That's been my only outlet, lately; for five months, now.

"Reno…you're being ridiculous. I love you both the same—"

"No, you don't. When Su's old enough to have sex, you'll choose him over me, I know it. You'll marry that damn brat and I have no control over it whatsoever."

"Reno! I would never defile my own son like that! How could you say these things?"

"I'm frustrated! He's so much better than me, he even has my own birthday. Do you know what I spent my birthday doing? Laying in a bathtub for six hours, drinking my way through a bottle of vodka and two of rum." Which, in case you were wondering, I'm crunched back on the ground and I think I'm slowly starting to get sleep. My argument's beginning to get holes in it. "I hate that thing and if you dare bring it back to me anymore, I'm leaving."

"Reno!" But it's at this point that I pass out in the shower.

When I wake up, it has got to be Saturday evening, and I'm only hoping so. I only wanted to sleep through one day. I wake up with one hell of a hangover, and when I sit up, I realize that I'm in our bed, snuggled up against his pillow with my face buried in it. I growl a little before I hear his voice at the door.

"You're finally awake…you really worried me, Ren." He smiles a little, which is more rare than I make it seem, and slowly comes over to me with a platter. I sit up and lean back against the headboard and he presents to me a few things. Some pills for my headache, a pitcher of water, and one of his famous home-cooked meals. It's like fajita pasta or something; it's delicious.

"Rude…what's this about?" Usually he doesn't care about my hangovers this much.

"You don't feel like I love you enough. I thought I should show you. Sugu's at Vince's house tonight." What? Where'd he get that from?

"That's awesome…but…what do you mean? I didn't say anything. Did Vin tell you?"

"No, you said plenty last night…" He paused, "And I know it's how you really feel because you tend to spill your guts when you're that drunk, and you were pretty bad. You were passed out in the bath tub and it took both Vincent _and_ me to break down the door to get to you."

"Oh…" I can feel my face grow hot as I begin to tuck into my meal, putting a little bit in my stomach before taking the pills and drinking straight from the pitcher. I know he wants me to flush out my system, so that's what I plan on doing. When I set it down, the wetness on my lips must be too much for him because he leans in and kisses them.

"I worried about you all day, Reno. You can't just go killing yourself because I don't realize how upset you are. You have to talk to me; I can't fix things if you just bottle it up and ignore it."

"Trust me, it's hard to ignore." I sigh in reply, rubbing my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. "Can we kill the lights, please? They're too damn bright." He nods and gets up, switching off all the lights in the house. He returns and sits beside me on the bed, hand rubbing at my thighs. "What?"

"I'm yours tonight. Anything you want, I will do."

"How about…" For once, I don't feel like sex. "Cuddling. You coddle that damn brat like he's some kind of AKC prize-winning poodle or something."

"Reno…wants…cuddling…?" He mumbles; he seems a little confused by this, but he lays down with me once I'm done eating. I pull him close and rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes.

"You're so warm…"

"I don't love him more than you, Reno." He tells me, and I know that he means it.

"Then why do you keep ignoring me? It's like…the only love I feel I get anymore is Vincent taking me out sometimes. He takes me out more than you do. I was starting to wonder if we'd gotten a babysitter for me instead of Su."

"He's been taking you out?" That doesn't seem to sit well with him.

"Yeah…he took me clubbing again a few weeks ago…and he tries to catch me after work sometimes to take me for a bite."

"…a bite?" He starts checking my body.

"Not like that, Rude." The bite I had had is a scar, now. "He bought me Mickey D's the other night because I didn't want to wake you two up by making something to eat."

"So he's spending more time with you than I am?"

"Pretty much. It's kind of depressing."

"It is…" He kisses up my bare stomach and chest, making his way to my lips. I don't notice he's doing something else to me until he brings my hand up and kisses it. He then shows me in the low light of the room, the street lights filtering in through the slightly open blinds, and I gasp. It's the most beautiful and obnoxiously amazing ring I've ever seen in my life. Instead of a diamond, a dark ruby glares at me and I'm taken aback.

"R-rude?" I question, gulping slightly.

"I want you to marry me, Ren." He kisses my lips and I feel myself go limp.

"You…want me…to…m-marry…" Now…I can't help but feel a bit of regret for all I've done with my bosses at work. "I…"

"Reno?" He gives me a worried look.

"Of course." I nod, gulping against and looking slightly overwhelmed. I can't believe that he just asked me that! I hug him close and close my eyes, pressing our foreheads together. "I'm sorry…I want to, I do. This…I just wasn't expecting it."

"You're acting strange, Ren." I sigh a little.

"It's nothing…I just don't want to scream and move too suddenly or the Hangover Monster will pounce and I'll never be able to talk again. He'll rip my mouth off." He smiles a little at that.

"Then I expect you to be perky and attack me in the morning. Is that a good expectation?" He smiles a little, kissing my lips again and again for a bit. I don't answer for three minutes.

"Yes…" I'm panting, "Yesss…God, Rude…"

"I love you, Reno." The words feel strange on my lips when I reciprocate.

"I love you, too, Rude." Am I crying again? I think so, I feel his hand wiping at my cheeks and eyes, and I look down. I can't believe how excited and guilty I feel all at once.

"Happy Belated Birthday, Reno."

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**AN: Oh teh noes! What will happen, now? Will Vincent ruin this marriage? What happens if Suguru is sick through the wedding? And will Rude trust Vincent with him during the honeymoon? You'll all find out in the upcoming chapters.**


	6. The Big Day

**Chapter: 6/24**

**Words: 824**

**Warnings: Reno POV, **

**AN: Alright, guys, chapter six already! I actually think only one or two people are actually reading this, but that's okay. :3 Reviews are love, so please love me! 8D**

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**Age Three: Big Day**

I'm so nervous I'm about to throw up. I don't really have very many friends, but Vincent and Cid somehow agreed to be my "bridesmaids", so we're all good. They've been helping me get ready. I feel so strange, wearing an outfit that is very close to what my Turk uniform is. I decided to spice it up with a rose in the pocket; it's something that makes me look different. Someone knocks on the door and tells me it's time.

If there's another strange thing about getting married, it's doing it inside a church. I don't think I've ever been inside a church for more than ten minutes in my life, so this is a big wake-up call. Especially since Rude's always trying to drag me here and just hasn't been able to get me to.

I walk the aisle up to the podium where he waits for me, Cid walking me like some kind of father figure, and leaving me at the alter. Reeve, a friend of Vincent's and the church's priest, is standing before us and begins saying whatever it is he has to to get this thing underway. I'm too lost in Rude's eyes to notice what he's saying, until I'm prodded and the words leave my mouth breathlessly.

"I do."

"…Ren, not yet." Rude shakes his head, "You should try to pay attention."

"I would but your eyes are showing themselves to me and they're breathtaking." I chuckle, looking out at the audience to see Vincent standing before us. "Um..what's he doing?"

"He's trying to stand in the way of our marriage. Are you going to deal with this, Reno?"

"Fuck, no! Vince, sit your white ass down! Without me, you wouldn't even _be_ here! Sit!" I command, eyes narrowing. He glares at me a moment before getting back to his spot and looking down. I know I've embarrassed him, but it's his own damn fault.

I'm lacking attention again until I'm prodded once more. I look down and see that brat staring up at us. However, soon I'm angered and find Rude's hands holding mine incredibly tight. He has the rings in his mouth, that little rat-bastard.

"I'll get the rings, Ren." He promises me, taking one hand away and keeping both of my wrists held in his other hand. He pries the rings away and wipes them on his suit before sliding it onto my finger.

"I do?" I look to Rude, who nods. "I do."

Blah, blah, blah.

"I do." That's Rude, this time, and I'm sliding the ring onto his finger, ready to punch the babbling child to my right. More blah, blah's.

"You may now kiss the…bride..?"

And that _kiss_! Our mouths glue together and my eyes glide shut, arms going around his neck. Our bodies press nice and tight to each other and I hear someone in the audience give a groan of displeasure. I give a very different moan and purr softly, but Rude forces us to break the kiss.

"Ren…we've got the honeymoon for this…not everyone wants to watch me take you in the pews." He whispers against my lips and I shudder.

"But I do." I whimper, eyes fluttering.

"Maybe some other time." It would definitely be a good way to get me to come to church more often.

As we leave the church, we leave Suguru in Vincent's care and head off to our home in the car driven by Rude's Mama. The whole time she's going on about her baby and how he's growin' up, and I'm going on and on in his lap, kissing him and sucking at his neck, wanting him _now_. This honeymoon will be too much fun. We're spending two weeks in a beautiful city full of expensive things somewhere. He hasn't told me, yet. He's just described it, and it sounds wonderful.

We get home and he carries me in bridal style, and we crash onto the couch. He barks a laugh and suddenly we're both laughing and I give my best 'Housewife' impression.

"Dahlingk, you should bu-ay me a dee-a-moond ring~"

"I already got you the best wedding band I could buy…"

"Geet me MOAR!" I roar, laughing softly and kissing his lips. "A good toy would work, though."

"You're not getting anymore toys."

"What? Why not?"

"You're going to be more preoccupied with me from now on."

"Oh, baby~!" I kiss him, and at this time there's a knock at the apartment door. Rude gets up to get it and brings Vincent and the child in. "Are you sure I'm going to be more preoccupied, Rudie?" I sigh, pouting a little.

"Hey, I wanna see him a little. We're spending two weeks away, I won't see him till we get back."

"But you'll have to spend all the time you can with me!" I say it like it's a threat.

"Yes, I know, dear. And I'll love it." But will I?

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**AN: Haha, alright. There's the sixth chapter, kind of short and definitely cut down. I didn't know much of what to do about the wedding. Now, I think I'm going to go work on my new TaTari story! 8D Wish me luck.**


	7. Return

**Chapter: 7/24**

**Words: 478**

**Warnings: Reno POV, Attempted homicide**

AN: these stories are mostly planned out, and I'm just having some fun with the short chapters. I'm planning on getting as many written today as possible so I can have some room to write my Yami stories at school. :3

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**Age Three: Return**

We returned from the honeymoon and I was in such a good mood until we got home. Wehad nearly non-stop sex for two weeks, with a private beach off of our hotel room. I'd never had actual sex on the beach, only the drink usually, so I was extremely happy even if I got sand in strange places from it. I didn't mind all that much, really. But something that really pissed me off was that as soon as we got home, Rude wouldn't even notice my existence. He was immediately dialing Vincent to bring the baby over, and I became a thing of the past once more.

Once the little brat is brought back home, I sigh and reside myself to a shower. At some point, Rude comes in and tells me to watch Sugu for a second. I grin evilly and get out of the shower, pick him up and shove his head in the toilet. It'd be good if I could just drown him and blame it on him, right? 'He thought he could drink out of the toilet like a dog, but I didn't get to him in time!'

However, while I'm drowning him, Rude just happens to come back in.

"Reno, _WHAT_ are you _DOING_?"

"Uh....giving him a bath?"

"...in the toilet?" He raises a brow.

"...I peed in the shower."

"You usually pee in the toilet."

"...I cleaned it?"

"You don't clean _anything_. If nothing else, you're better at making messes."

"...I had Vincent do it."

"He didn't come in."

"That's what you think."

"...Reno." His voice sounds firm and almost frightening; I think I'm in trouble.

"What? I didn't invite him in or anything, he flocks to me like a sheep...and I love sheep! They're so cute with their curly bodies and fluff and their weird penises..."

"...you looked at his penis?"

"What? No! I haven't seen him all the way naked!"

"All the way?"

"We went swimming together at the gym, that's all."

"'Swimming', eh? Was that the time you came home in bikini bottoms?"

"Uh...no?"

"Reno."

"Yeah...it was his idea."

"Reno, you're grounded."

"..._what_?"

"If you are going to _act_ like a child, you will also be _treated_ like one."

"So..you're grounding me?" Rude snatched the kid away from me; I had let him up by this time. Actually, his head shot up when Rude caught me.

"Yes. You're grounded. I've already removed all of your toys and porn from the bedroom, and you are to stay in there until further notice."

"What? What am I supposed to do without my porn!?"

"I left all of Suguru's Barney tapes in the bedroom in case you get bored."

"You _MONSTER_!"

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**AN:Alright, I was playing around with this idea with Jess, and I thought that it turned out well. :3 Reno loves to dig himself into holes, but he always forgets the ladder to get himself back out. D: Oh noes! On to the next chapter!**


	8. Word Munch

**Chapter: 8/24**

**Words: 160**

**Warnings: Reno POV, cursing**

**AN: Eighth chapter, woo! If I get them all typed up today, I will definitely post up to chapter thirteen, and then you will have to wait for the rest. That means I'd be almost halfway done! 8D**

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**Age Three: Word Munch**

Today is a very momentous occasion; the kid's been babbling since we brought him home, but he's starting to understand speech. In fact, I'm pretty sure I just heard him say a word. Let's see if I can retell it just like he said it.

"Cockmunser." Rude has been staring at me with an odd light in his eyes ever since the kid said it.

"...what did he just say?"

"Um...sounded like 'cockmuncher'."

"_Reno_."

"What? I can't help it if he copies me!"

"You're a bad influence!"

"You're just realizing this, _now_?"

"Reno, no sex tonight."

"_WHAT?_ That ain't fair, babe!"

"You're a bad influence and bad influences don't get laid." It was at this point that Suguru decided to be part of this conversation.

"Laid!"

"_Rude_! I'm _surprised_ at you!" I yell as I run from the room, a large dictionary being thrown in my general direction.

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**AN: Not even a full page. XD That's okay, this is meant to just be silliness. At least, for now. Also, for those of you who want to know, Suguru is a Native American. :3 Perfect mix between Japanese and South American. 8D**


	9. Feed Baby Baby Food

**Chapter: 9/24**

**Words: 198**

**Warnings: Reno POV, cursing**

**AN: Woot, chapter nine already! I'm really enjoying this. For once, Reno's the butt of the joke. But it's okay, maybe someday Suguru will redeem himself. Maybe. Probably not, though.**

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**Age Four: Feed Baby Baby Food**

"Whyyyyyy do I have to feeeeeeeeeeed youuuuu?" I ask the child boredly, "You're fucking _four_, you should be able to feed your Goddamn self."

"Fee' Go''amn sef."

"Yer gonna get me in trouble talkin' like that, kid." I sigh, shaking my head, which is resting in my hand as I hold the spoon of mush to the kid's mouth. He won't take it, and, instead, splashes and blows it all over the place, making a mess of everything but me. Because I have a shield. I hold up one of Rude's giant dictionaries when I'm being threatened with nasty goop. I'm also mostly naked, so that helps.

"Reno, he isn't eating."

"If he wants to starve, that's his problem."

"You gotta make it fun." He then took the spoon from me and began to coo at the creature before him, making stupid faces and talking funny. I roll my eyes and sit back. However, it seems that this works, because that little worm is eating, now.

"I think he just hates me, is all." I lean down and whisper into his ear, "I hate you." before leaving the room.

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**AN: N'aww, poor Reno. He can't seem to get this baby stuff down okay. And I know that four isn't the age of a baby, but Reno will continue to call him that, I think, so there. XD And Rude babies him so much he still eats baby food.**


	10. Family Fun Day

**Chapter: 10/24**

**Words: 516**

**Warnings: Reno POV, Cursing, Vincent-Bashing**

**AN: Alright, here's chapter ten! Woot! I only have about two more chapters planned out, but I'll plan the rest out when I get done. I already know the last section, so I just need to get to it. But hey, we're about half-way through Age Four, which means five is coming, and then six! 8D Then it will be AGE SEVEN. The end of this story. : Oh noes.**

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**Age Four: Family Fun Day**

I can't believe Rude dragged us out here just for that brat. Vincent and I sit under the shade umbrella as Rude packs the sunscreen onto the boy, both of us in our swimming gear. Actually, so is Rude, and he looks sexy like that, I've always liked a 'daddy' figure...but this is too much. He dragged me out here in the middle of the hottest day of the year so we could take him to his first water park. Of course, I'm not planning on being ignored all day, so I brought Vincent along as my 'friend'. I know how Rude gets around that little punk; he completely loses focus in me and gives all of his attention to that little...ugh. I hate it.

"I hope you burn, kid." I mutter under my breath before sighing. "Rudie, we're gonna go on the lazy river, kay?"

"Alright, I'll be with Su on the kid's toys."

"Kay." 

"And Reno?"

"Huh?"

"Behave."

"Behave? You don't think I'm capable of it?" I get a stern glare in return.

"I mean it. I'll give you one Hell of a good night tonight if you be good today."

"Okay!" And with that, I take Vince's hand and run off to the lazy river, where we get a double tube and go get in line.

"Reno, do you realize he is bribing you?" Vincent asks me, even paler from the amount of sunscreen he had used. Being a vampire in the sun can't be fun, but he suffered through it for me. As far as I know, he said he'd only get something of a third degree burn from it, and he'd heal in time.

"Yeah, I know he's bribing me, I'm not stupid. But I'm gonna take that bribe because I haven't had sex with _him_ in weeks. Damn kid keeps getting me in trouble."

"How?"

"He likes to repeat what I say. Thank God you can hardly understand him. He has some kind of speech impediment." We sat in the tube once it was on the water and the hot lifeguard pushed us off and down the river.

"I see...so he repeats what you say..." A pause, "You should just give him to me. I can take care of him just fine."

"Rude would _KILL_ me if I let the kid become a vamp, Vince. However, I'm starting to wonder if he'd care if I became one." Vincent sits up at this, looking at me and nearly thwacking his head on the bridge above us.

"Really?" He looks excited.

"Vin, don't look so happy, I'm married, remember?"

"Yeah...how can I forget?" He sounds peeved.

Anyway, we spent the whole day on the lazy river. By the time Rude and Suguru came to get us, I was fairly red on my legs, knees, chest, stomach, shoulders and arms...and Vincent was nearly burnt to a crisp. Suguru, of course, was perfectly fucking fine, as was Rude. Damn them and their non-pale complexions.

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**AN: Poor guys...of course, the tan guys go together and the white guys go together...and the white guys gain burns from only putting sunscreen on once during an eight-hour period. XD Yes, Suguru loves the water park. :B**


	11. Hold Me

**Chapter: 11/24**

**Words: 151**

**Warnings: Reno POV**

**AN: Wow, so many chapters all in one day...I hope you guys that follow this story are happy with it! And this story is meant to be funny, so I hope it is. Luvs!**

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**Age Four: Hold Me**

"Reno, Su wants you to hold him." I ignore both of them, sprawled out on the couch with a cigarette in my lips and my DS in my hands.

"I'm busy."

"Reno, hold him."

"No, I'll get cooties or some shit."

"Reno, he's your son, too."

"So? Is that like you're my husband and not his, but I swear you're cheatin' on me with him because you _promised_ me good sex last night and where were you all night? In his room. I found you passed out on the floor in there this morning. So no, I ain't touchin' it." Rude gets up out of his chair and picks the poo-monster up, setting him on my stomach and sighing.

"Reno, just hold him." And he heads off to the fridge, pulling down one of my bottles of vodka and pouring himself a couple shots.

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**AN: I know these chapters are short...but it's turning into a collection of drabbles. **


	12. Savior

**Chapter: 12/24**

**Words: **

**Warnings: Reno POV**

**AN: Halfway through, now, guys. I think this may be it for Competition for tonight. I'm feeling the need to work on another story, so...after this will be another short plot bunny and I'll go back to working on the bigger projects again. :3**

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**Age Four: Savior**

So, I stayed home from work today. Of course, that means that I get to stay home with a sick four year old passed out on my chest. This doesn't help my own sickness, I know it. Sighing a little, I rub at my eyes and glance at the clock on the wall. Rude left at 6:30 am. It is now 6:45 am and I want him to come back home right _now_. He said this would be a perfect way for us to bond. I don't think so.

"I fucking hate you, you piece of shit. Taking all of his love away from me, making me spend thenights alone, and then you think you're able to cling to me like I'm your mother or some fucked up shit like that. Start calling me that and I'll be pissed. How can you sleep through this? I bet you like the rumble in my chest because of Rude, huh? Yeah, that's why I like it, too. God, why do you have to drool everywhere? This is my favorite shirt, you know. Well, favorite shirt that Rude makes me wear to bed now that you're old enough to come in and see us if we're naked." I sigh a little, growling. "Wake the fuck up and get the fuck _off_ of me, or I'm going to bash your head in." I feel my body temperature sky-rocketing, but I don't care.

I keep on going and yelling and screaming until the last thing I remember is his head lifting right as my eyes close.

When I awake I find myself laying uncomfortably with a stick in my arm. I crack open blue eyes to look at it, and notice an IV. Upon further opening my eyes, I realize that there's this blinding white light everywhere and that the whole room seems white. I'm even dressed in white. When a bald-headed angel peeks over me, I vaguely wonder if I died and went to heaven.

"R-rude...?" I cough, confused.

"Suguru saved you today."

"H-huh?" I close one eye and sat up a little, shielding my eyes from the white light facing my bed. "What...what do you mean?"

"He told me you went to sleep right when he woke up, and he tried to wake you up but he couldn't. So he called me and told me what was going on and I came to get you both and rushed you here. Turns out your little flu you were complaining about was the Swine Flu. And that was only a little bit of your problem; here, this is for you, from Rufus." He hands me a big bottle of rum.

"Huh?"

"You're so confused.." He rubs a hand through my hair. "Mm...your alcohol addiction...your body needs it to survive, now, and...you haven't had any today. Also, you were dehydrated so bad they couldn't take blood from you for an hour without the IV..."

"So...I'm dying?"

"No, we caught it early enough, you should make a full recovery. Aren't you glad you had Su around?"

"Where is he now?"

"He's with Vincent..."

"Yes, I'm glad he was around." I smile, leaning up to kiss him.

"Uh, uh, uh, Mr. Contagious. I'm not catching this, too. I may stay in here with you until you're able to leave, but I refuse to catch this stupid sickness, too."

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**AN: Alright, there we go! Half-way through! Just wait, guys, you'll love it. :3**


	13. Porn Day

**Chapter: 13/24**

**Words: 159**

**Warnings: Reno POV, Inappropriateness**

**AN: Alright, this is something that sort of actually happened. My brother asked about porn and this was my exact reaction.**

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**Age Five: Porn Day**

Rude has been trying to get me to bond more with Su, now that he's getting older. I think it's stupid, but...I'm stuck. This is the first day he's ever sent me grocery shopping, and he made me bring the kid with me. I think it's ridiculous, but whatever, he's strapped in the cart and being good.

We snag everything we really need, but soon I find myself at the magazine section. My fingers twitch and I feel this itch in my brain. We go down the isle and I head straight for the Playgirl and another one I keep track of, tossing them into the cart behind the brat.

gDaddy, wha's dat?"

gMine, don't touch. Papa'd be pissed if he found out I even bought it in your presence..."

gBut what _is_ it?"

gPorn."

gWhat's a porn?"

g...baby geese."

gYou're getting a book about geese?"

g_Baby_ geese, Su, baby geese."

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**AN: Haha, this chapter is short but hopefully it brings a smile to your faces. :3**


	14. Cats

**Chapter: 14/24**

**Words: 367**

**Warnings: Reno POV**

**AN: Alright, chapter fourteen! Man, this one's gonna be SHORT, but it will entertain, I hope. Also, this also happened in real life, in a different sort of way. My brother started singing this in front of dad and my sister and I both reacted just like this.**

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**Age Five: Cats**

I stayed home from work again today, not feeling like going in. Rude decided to take this chance to work so I stayed home with the kidlet. I was glad that he went to Kingdergarten for half the day, though; I got to do some private things while he was gone. When he returned, he caught me watching Avenue Q on my laptop. The song that was on was 'The Internet is For Porn'. I didn't think much about it, but I banished the kid to the other end of the couch with his cartoons so that I didn't have to deal with him.

Dinner time rolled around and Rude came home, heading to the bedroom to get changed while I finished up something fool-proof for dinner. Frozen pizza; I made two because I know how he eats, and he likes different shit on it than I do. There's a cheese one for the kid and Rude, and mine's combination. He hates the peppers and onions on it.

We all sit around the table and Rude says a very sloppy grace for us, before we tuck into our meal and not a word passes between us until Rude decides Su needs some stimulation.

gSo, did you learn anything new at school today?"

gYeah, papa! I learned how to write the letters O, P, and Q today."

gI like Q's." I say, "They're O's with their pants pulled down."

g_Reno_."

gI mean...nevermind, kid." I don't even know why I said that.

gDid you learn anything else?"

gI learned a song, daddy!"

gOh, let's hear it!" The kid sucks in a breath and starts out.

gThe internet is really, really great, for--" I recognize the song and immediately jump up and slam my hands on the table.

gCATS!" I scream, eyes wide. It was the first thing in my head. "Su, that's enough of the song, kay?" I seriously don't need to be in trouble for not thinking. Rude looks at me and I smile a little, "Don't worry, big guy, it's nothin'." I wink, sittin' back down and closing my eyes. That was close.

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**AN: Alright, there it was! 8D**


	15. Look At All The Porn!

**Chapter: 15/24**

**Words: **

**Warnings: Reno POV, misnamed animals, public humiliation**

**AN: Alright, here is a reaction chapter, oh noes! Let's get on with it, shall we? **

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**Age Five: Look At All The Porn!**

Rude brought us to the park to feed the ducks and play around all day, today. I'm thinking this can't go wrong, right? I can't get in trouble at the park; it's too _public_. Even _I_ won't fuck up, here.

Wrong.

gPapa, lookit all the porn!"

g_What_ ?"

gEheh...I'm gonna go sit in the car a sec, kay?" I offer, edging towards the black Oldsmobile on the curb. Rude grabs my shoulder and tugs me close to him, smiling wickedly.

g_No_ , Reno, c'mere...explain to him what porn _really_ is..."

gUh...shit. I...I lied, Su. Porn isn't baby geese." I hear Rude snort next to my ear.

gDaddy, you _lied_?" He sounds heartbroken.

gWell..uh...yeah. Porn is..." I think a second, and then turn to Rude, "I can't tell him without explaining other things!" Rude just pokes my rear.

gDaddy...?"

gUm...Remember last night when Papa was hugging me tight and you walked in?" Suguru nods and I hear an incredulous 'what?' in my ear. "Since you saw it, that was porn."

gSo...hugging tight is porn?"

gOnly if someone else is watching."

gReno." That's Rude's influential timbre to his voice.

gIf they're people, they have to be naked, too."

gOh, okay, daddy! I'm gonna go play with the gooses, now!" And with that, Suguru ran off to find the geese.

gOkay, baby..." Rude smiles, then pins me to a nearby tree. "Porn is baby geese, huh?" He paused, then, "And he caught us, right?"

gWell...I bought my mags when he was there and he wanted to know what they were...so I told him porn was baby geese." A pause, and then I smile, "Mm...yeah. He walked in, looked a second, I motioned him away and he went back to bed."

gJesus, Ren, you coulda told me."

gUm...I just did?"

* * *

**AN: And Reno wasn't in that much trouble, yay! Rude just was shocked that Suguru had seen that. XD Yay for Reno getting out of things!**


End file.
